After ‘Adolescence’ – the hit Netflix drama series about a young girl’s murder – questions about young men and masculinity reached a much wider audience than ever before.
Conversations about masculinity are not new, but they have rarely reached this level of public attention. A broader reckoning feels overdue. Yet some of the current debate appears to be shaped by bad-faith actors and fuelled by speculation rather than evidence, obscuring a more complex picture.
To tackle this, Ipsos in the UK, in partnership with JOE Media, is delivering a series of topical research projects on modern masculinity.
The first was on dating and relationships. What comes through is an apparent lack of confidence among men, and young men in particular: about themselves, how they relate to women and in the context of wider shifts in gender norms.
On one level this appears to reflect real social and economic pressures. One in three (34%) young men, and 31% of men overall, say that financial difficulties are one of biggest issues when it comes to dating.
Notably, ‘concern about saying the wrong thing’ was one of the issues most likely to be flagged by 16-24 year old men although it was lower down the list for men overall. This suggests heterosexual men increasingly feel uncertainty about how to relate to women, and a disconnect between what they think women want and what women actually value in a partner.
Indeed, when asked what the top characteristics for a woman would be when considering a male partner, young men are most likely to say attractiveness (50%) and financial status (39%). When we asked women aged 16-24 the same question, they say they consider a sense of humour (60%), kindness (53%) and communication (53%) to be more important.
Neither financial pressure nor difficulty with communication are unique to this generation of young men. Some might even describe them as long-standing rites of passage. But today’s version is unfolding under new conditions: economic precarity, constant online self-presentation and evolving gender expectations that affect everyone. Part of what makes this transition harder for men is that older models of masculinity didn’t just offer certainty but came with privileges, status and silence about the harms they caused.
Concerningly, rather than accepting that gender is being renegotiated, some young men are pushing back against gender equality and women’s autonomy. This is finding ready audiences online through Andrew Tate alongside other misogynist influencers. Which helps explain how we end up with over half (53%) of 16-24 men saying they think the ‘majority of women are only attracted to a small subset of men’.
But even in this context, it’s worth dispelling some myths. The main one being the idea that young men don’t have any role models. Three quarters (76%) of young men say they have at least one positive male role model in their life, higher than 54% of men overall, even before considering the female role models in many men’s lives.
There’s also an idea that younger people want to spend their lives online, driving them into unhealthy rabbit holes. But again, this is the wrong way round, as both young men’s and women’s preference is meeting potential partners in real life, rather than on dating apps. Their biggest frustrations when it comes to dating apps are finding a genuine connection.
It’s not that there isn’t demand there for meaningful, loving relationships. But many young people, and in particular young men, often feel unequipped to create the kinds of relationships they value.
At Ipsos, our hope is that our project, which will continue over summer, will begin to deliver some answers rather than simply questions. While this study focuses on heterosexual men, many of these pressures are shaped by and affect wider shifts in how gender and sexuality are understood across society.
But we also see possibility: the chance to reimagine masculinity in a way that supports wellbeing and healthier relationships for everyone.
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